powerful truth about love… from http://www.sovgrace.net/love.htm
Agape – Sacrificial Love: I’m convinced that most people do not think about love Biblically. What we mean when we talk about “love” and what God means when He talks about “love” are two different things. In fact, the eros and phileo concepts are so deeply ingrained into our intellectual grid of life that agape may be, upon first glance, somewhat repugnant to us. After all, it sounds so “unromantic.” “It is so contrary to what I’ve always thought,” someone says. But agape is the word the Holy Spirit employs (and in fact, virtually coins) to define “love” over two hundred fifty times in the New Testament.
What is this foreign kind of love known as agape? It is the kind of love that God has for His elect. God does not love His people because He is attracted to them, for there is nothing attractive in them. God determined to love them in spite of their sin: “God commendeth his love toward us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8). God’s love is an act of the will, not of the emotions. It is something He decides to do, not something He passively feels.
Further, he expressed his love by voluntarily giving His own Son to die for those whom He had purposed to redeem. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son…” (Jno. 3:16). He covenanted, unilaterally, to do everything necessary for their salvation. God the Son committed himself to bear their iniquities and to suffer the wrath of God in their stead. Voluntarily, He divested Himself of His divine prerogatives, subjecting Himself to death, even the ignominious death of the cross. John writes, “Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren” (I Jno. 3:16). Love, the God-kind of love, is defined by the cross. There we learn that agape involves a commitment to the welfare of another without any consideration of worthiness in the loved one. Agape is a love that gives to others, not that desires for oneself. It is self-sacrifice with an aim to make the loved one great. In a word, agape is selflessness.
The key words in the definition are “commitment,” “others,” “giving,” and “self-sacrifice.” In simple terms, love is a way of behaving toward another person, not a nebulous, mystical emotion. In Scripture, love is a command. We are commanded to love God and love our neighbor (Mt. 22:37). Jesus said, “A new commandment I give unto you, that you love one another” (Jno. 13:34). Paul said, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it” (Eph. 5:25). Note he does not say, “Husbands, feel affectionate and romantic toward your wives.” No, feelings cannot be commanded, but love can, for love is an act of the will, something that one makes up his mind to do and then he does it. Paul’s words, written in the imperative mood, express a command that husbands are obliged to obey. Husbands are under an obligation to sacrifice their own comforts and “needs” for the benefit of their wives, in the same way that the Lord Jesus Christ sacrificed Himself for the church. Likewise, Jesus issues the imperative, “Love your enemies” (Mt. 5:43). Does Jesus want us to drum up pleasant emotions for those who have abused us? Obviously not. He commands us to love them by choosing to show them favor and goodwill.
The Profile of Agape
In specific terms, I Corinthians 13:4-7 profiles the characteristics of Biblical love: Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth. Did you notice that Paul does not describe what love is, but what love does? He does not use adjectives to describe love. He does not say “Love is beautiful” or “Love is wonderful.” Instead, he uses verbs, words of action, to describe love: “Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous, self-promoting, proud, rude, selfish, angry or suspicious….” If you really love someone else, says Paul, you will treat them with patience, kindness, and unselfishness. Do you realize what that means? That means that when one is impatient, unkind, jealous, and rude to someone else, he does not love that other person. The profile of love in I Corinthians 13 can be summarized in four categories: (1) Love’s Heart (vs. 4a,5c) - The person who loves another behaves in kindness, patience, and tenderness. Every action is born from a sincere desire for the happiness of the loved one. Love does not have a short fuse (“is not easily provoked”) but is “slow to wrath,” suffering long with the faults and imperfections of the loved one. Love is the act of showing patience, not irritability, when others falter, and kindness, which is the proof of patience. Love doesn’t nitpick at petty annoyances. Do you love your mate? Let me rephrase the question. Do you respond to your spouse’s little quirks and annoyances in patience and kindness? If not, start now, for God commands you to love.
(2) Love’s Attitude (vs. 4b-5b) - Love displays itself by a commitment to unselfish living. Notice the emphasis on “self” in verses four and five: “Charity envieth not [i.e. is not self protecting]; charity vaunteth not itself [i.e. is not self-promoting], is not puffed up [i.e. is not self-inflated], doth not behave itself unseemly [i.e. is not self-glorifying], seeketh not her own [i.e. is not self-seeking].” In a word, love is not selfish. Analyze the next argument you have with your spouse. How many times did each of you use the word “I”? Nine times out of ten, selfishness is at the root of marital conflict. Pride, self-interest, and egotism are the antitheses of love. Love is never rude or jealous. It esteems the other more important than itself. Do you love your spouse? Let me rephrase the question. Are you denying yourself for your partner’s benefit? If not, then start now, for God commands you to love.
(3) Love’s Judgment (vs. 5d-6) - These two expressions, i.e. love thinks no evil and love rejoices not in iniquity but in the truth, express what might be termed “the judgment of charity.” Love involves giving another the benefit of the doubt and assuming the best possible motives, not the worst. Love does not keep a record of past offences. It “thinketh no evil.” It’s judgment therefore is not colored by resentment. It does not take into account past wrongs. How many married partners have so allowed past hurts to fill their hearts with resentment that they automatically assume the worst motive when the other speaks. Instead of listening to what is said, they become very artful at “reading between the lines.” They constantly ask each other, “What did you mean by that statement?” If the other replies, “I meant nothing more than what I said,” they react, “Sure, I know what you were really saying.” They are more inclined to believe the worst than to believe the truth. Conversation filled with innuendo is a destructive habit for couples to develop. But so is the attitude that insists on reading the worst motives into the things that one’s partner says and does. It is, in fact, very unloving. Do you love your spouse? Let me rephrase the question. Do you automatically give him/her the benefit of the doubt and assume the best of motives? If not, then start now, for God commands you to love.
(4) Love’s Tenacity (vs. 7-8a) - The final five statements suggest that love does not cease. Like the rabbit on the battery commercial, it keeps on going, and going, and going. In other words, it is impossible for love to die. Do you believe that statement? Think about it carefully. I didn’t say that it’s impossible for romance to die, or for happiness to die, but for love to die. Neither did I say that it is impossible for a person to cease to be committed to the other. But where commitment is present, it is impossible to destroy that relationship. Heavy burdens cannot destroy it, for love ‘beareth all things.’ Suspicion cannot destroy it, for love ‘believeth all things.’ Discouragement cannot destroy it, for love ‘hopeth all things.’ Difficult trials cannot destroy it, for love ‘endureth all things.’ In fact nothing can destroy it, for love ‘never faileth,’ that is, it never ceases. “Many waters cannot quench love.” When one person is committed to self-sacrifice for the benefit of another, no burden will be too heavy. Love is the willingness to bear all burdens, to trust your partner implicitly, to expect the best, and to endure the worst. Love is the commitment to keep on keeping on regardless of circumstances around you, feelings within you, and consequences ahead of you. Charity never faileth.
Do you love your spouse? Let me rephrase the question. Are you committed to unselfish living for the long haul? Is that commitment the sole factor in the future of your relationship? If not, then start now. Take the initiative to be kind. Bear insult and injury meekly. Go out of your way to make your partner happy. Forget about receiving anything in return. Commit yourself to a life of serving your mate. Away with rude remarks, biting sarcasms, irritability, judgmental criticism, and petty egotism. Sacrifice your own happiness for the happiness of your companion. Focus on being the kind of person God requires you to be and don’t attempt to make your mate hold up their side of the bargain. After all, you promised to love, until death, period. Regardless of your spouse’s behavior, you vowed to love. This is the kind of love that God commands.
On the authority of God’s word, I guarantee that every couple who lives like this will never meet a problem that will kill their relationship, because charity never faileth. Furthermore, as a by-product of sacrificial love, the warm feelings of romance and the quiet contentment of friendship will resurface, sporadically at first, and more regularly as your years increase – together.
